The Wonders and Worries of Cheesy-spoosh

Well, actually just my blog is moving....click on the link below to read what i am wondering and worrying about from now on!  Now i can post pictures and such!

Lindsey's New Blog

It is beautiful outside, but i just had to slip in to get some warmer clothes on.  As i sat on the deck sipping (more like slurping) my 44 oz of frozen mountain dew, i had goose bumps run up my legs.  44oz of mountain dew can lead to great things this evening.  I think i will get a lot done. . . we will have to see.  Right now i just want to get warm.  The deck and sunshine are calling my name. . . oh ya, so is my 32 oz that remains of my frozen dew.  I love summer.

I have been going nonstop as i try to get assessments given and graded, oral reports finished, loose ends tied up and report cards completed, folded and stuffed into envelopes.  I am exhausted and ready to end these 10 hour days spent at school, and paper grading at night.  I am tired of worrying about where some of my students are going to get their next meal and how can i make them care about geometry when their mom is dying of cancer or just lost thier jobs.  I have some time off before summer school kicks in, and i chose to have my pay checks for working nine months spread throughout the summer.   Tomorrow i will feel like a brand new person.  I cannot wait!

This is the most beautiful weekend. . . nothing can beat hanging out with friends, holding a day old newborn, reading on the beach, gardening, worshiping with an amazing worship band, and eating at Pekedils among the beautiful gardens.

Yesterday, before going to the Morse's backyard brawl, we met noah, born on May 26th.  He is they cutest, blondest, smallest little baby.  It was wonderful to hold him and it was wonderful to visit his parents.  We missed Ryan though. :)  Then, we were off to sit in the sun and eat pizza, fried mozzerella sticks and onion rings while watching 5 kids (8 months to almost 2 years) splish splash in a kiddie pool.  The drunk, chain smoking lezbian neighbor was also entertaining!  It was good to see so many friends that we haven't seen in awhile.

We went to church this morning.  It has been awhile.  It was refreshing and of course wonderful to sing praises with people that we used to sing praises with every morning.  Daniel has just such a way of letting God speak through him, and God has such an amazing way of speaking to me as i worship him.  It was a much needed timw with God.  The first song we sang has one line that brought me to tears (in a good and peaceful way) "time is in His hands"  I just got done about a half hour before talking with my friend as we drove to church about God's timing.  It is so easy to say God has the best timing. . . but i really do believe that in my heart.

I really didn't get much done after church. . . it was so hot and i am feeling very lathargic and my stomach was not happy.  We headed off to the beach to get the lake breeze.  I love lake Michigan.  I don't understand why people stay on the other side of the state.  Anyways, then we went to our favorite little restaurant that has the best soup and sandwhiches. . . and ice cream.  We ate outside in their garden and then walked around naming the flowers and listening to the waterfall of the pond.  It turned out to be an enjoyable day. . . campared to the middle of it, where i just sat around.  :) 

We had our annual third grade field trip to camp for an extended day.  Beautiful blue skies, sunshine, and cool weather were the perfect combination for non-whinning kids.  Too cold for the bugs.  No rain to make us shiver.  Sunshine to bring smiles.  It was perfect. . . well almost perfect.  On the second activity, i had my student who has some serious anger issues fly off the handle after i told him he needed to sit out on this activity.  I told him he needed to sit out after he called a student stupid and said "we aren't on the dumbo trail, so stop acting dumb."  I had had enough and i knew that it would get worse if i called him on it, but he needed some consequences and his team needed some relief.  Well, he flipped out.  I mean started swinging huge branches against a tree, kicking branches, throwing his jacket, screaming at the top of his lungs, breathing really heavy as he grunted, and, of course, drawing attention to himself from the whole camp.  I promptly sent him back to school.  I wish i could have sent him home.

This breaks my heart.  This kid is a neat kid, just needs some serious help.  He is so up and down and the littlest thing can set him off.  I worry about his future.  His mom doesn't know what to do with him, yet she will not seek help from a doctor.  It is so sad.

I am glad we have another sunny day.  I am not sad!

My mom gave me a locket long ago with the above saying on it (in its irish blessing entirety).  Today, the sun upon my face was just what i needed.  I dropped my kids off on the bus, ran back into school to get my stuff and then i was outta there (not bad considering i get there at 7:00)  I was home by 4:15.  I ran in and threw some old clothes on and promptly started weeding our front garden. . . if that is what you call it.  It felt wonderful to be outside, to be sucking in the sun and getting soil lodged under my fingernails.  I planted my Hens and Chicks. . . i always loved my mom's.  I planted our four big pots with allysum, Nicotania, Geraniums, and potato vine.  I planted petunias in little terra cotta pots.  I hung our hanging baskets of bocopa and wave petunias. (sorry about all the spelling mistakes with the flower names)  I still need to plant the phlox we got on sale at countryside greenhouse.  And, Dad you will appreciate this. . . i planted 4 Christmas ferns.  My friend gave them to us and he said they are really cool.  They look very different from the Devil Fern i got from my dad that takes over his entire property and even grows through his deck. 

After my fun in the sun and dirt i came in for American Idol.  I hope it is sunny tomorrow.

Today is a hard day. . . . it is cloudy and it is Mother's Day.  I am thankful that i was given the mom that i was given.  I just wish that i had her for a longer period of time.  Last night as we were driving home from GR, i thought about all the mother's days i have had with my mom and i thought about all the crazy and sweet gifts i had given her  We went to Countryside greenhouse yesterday and i so wanted to have a need to buy my mom flowers, perhaps a jasmine vine. . . she loved the scent of jasmine (frankly, who doesn't).

I am guessing that most women either have a mother or are a mother on Mother's day.  I really want to be and have both.  I am at the age where i could have had both, but instead i have neither.  It makes for a sad day.  I am trying not to get down and out.  I am trying to celebrate the mother that  i had.  I am sipping my chai tea and thinking about all the things that made her so great, that made her so worthy of celebration.  And there is an endless amount of reasons and memories. TJ is so sweet.  He made me chai and brought home, what he called, a happy plant.  He brought me a morning glory vine.  He knows it was going to be a rough day.

I know some women try for years and years to become pregnant.  I know this, but i find no comfort in that.  It doesn't make me feel any better.  In fact, it kind of makes me feel guilty for feeling impatient about the whole situation.  In June, it will be a year since we have been trying.  I know this doesn't seem long, but for me it seems like forever.  I have had four friends have babies, and there is five more to go.  I am so unbelievably excited for each one.  I love to share in their joys and to hold their babies.  But then i go home, and stare at the empty white room.

The only thing that does bring me comfort on this cloudy mother's day is the fact that God's timing is the right timing, no matter how wring it seems to me.  I am not angry at Him, i just don't understand Him.  I don't think i am supposed to.  What kind of God would he be if i understood Him?  I just pray for patience. I also pray that my memories never fad and that i don't lose my mom's qualities that have rubbed off on me because those memories and qualities are all i have left of her. 

I think i will start to have a normal Sunday of chores and school work.  Happy mother's day to all the mothers out there!

I got to hold the most beautiful, precious, perfect two-day old baby girl.  There is really nothing else to say.  Welcome to the world Maya. . . you are loved by your parents more than you will ever know.

A couple days ago i picked up my Vera Bradley school bag as i was heading out the door to school at 6:30 in the morning.  It took me an extra minute to find it because it was not on the kitchen chair (its usual spot).  Instead it was propped up against the wall on the living room floor.  My bag felt kind of damp. . . i took out the things in it and my books were wavy and damp and the kids' papers were wet.  Huh?  So i looked again in the bag, expecting to find a partially opened water bottle.  Nope.  I got down on my hands and knees and the carpet was damp.  I felt along the wall, underneath the couch and the carpet was damp there too.  The cats came to mind.  No, this does not have the fetid odor that cat urine has.  In fact, this is odorless. . . until i smelled behind the couch....i have a good sniffer.  It smelled old and funky.  I called tj at work and left a message and left for work promptly, trying to forget about it.  TJ dried the carpet.  Then the next day it was wet again. . . We pulled out the fridge and presto.....a slow, damaging drip from the water line from our three year old fridge, dripping out onto our three year old hardwood floor that is now black and warped and wavy, then seeping through the wall into our living room making the carpet damp and modly and black deep down near the base.  YUCK!

I love asparagus (especially fresh).  I work with a couple of asaparagus farmers and it is starting to roll in.  I have five pounds (well, maybe only 3 now that i ate  a couple of pounds) sitting in my fridge (yes, the one that leaked) awaiting to be steamed and drizzled with spray butter, which really shouldn't be considered butter, and sprinkled with salt and pepper.  The beautiful thing is i tell Grinny i want some asaparagus.  Give her money and then it is delivered to my classroom.  Stuff that was just picked the night before.  Doesn't get much fresher than that.  If i could only remember before i went to the bathroom that it makes my urine smell, that would be awesome.  But, no.  There is that split second of "Oh my, what is that smell?"  Is that a genetic thing.  Or does asparagus makes everyone's urine smell?

Snot.  I am still not over this dreadful cold.  I talked to my good friend who lives in New York and she had the same one.  It lasted for 2 1/2 for her.  She encouraged me when she said "I know right now you feel like you will never feel normal again, but assure you, you will."  Her little three year old had it too and her husband.  How do you care for a sick child when you feel so sick yourself?  Super mom powers i guess.  I keep losing my voice, for it has finally moved down into my chest.  Teaching 25 kids with no voice is not an easy task.  I am trying to take it easy, but the house is so dirty and dusty, i cannot stand it.  So, i have been cleaning. I am the dust warrior.

I took today off.  I really couldn't yesterday because i had a meeting all day about curriculum, which means this is the second day in a row my rowdy students have a sub.  They did great yesterday, i hope for the same today.  My cold has graced my chest with its presence.  I am coughing up mini daggers and blowing my nose a lot.  I have tried a sudoku puzzle, and waterd the plants.  That is about it.  I felt like if i didn't take today off, i might not get better for a longer time.  I hate to use one of my precious sick days. . . i hopefully will need them when the time comes that we get pregnant, but i used one anyway. . . I can't wait to feel "normal" again.  :)  I am thankful that i stayed pretty healthy this winter.  That is hard to do with little germ factories as your company throughout the school day.  I think by tomorrow, i will feel glad i took today to rest.